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Anxiety/ stress destroying me

Hi I have been dealing with alot of anxiety as of late. I have anxiety over taking my meds. I worry I messed up or dropped them and worry about it for half the day. I also have a germaphobia issue brought on by when I first got sick I had no immune system pretty much for a year and now I worry about every little thing for example. I give a high five better wash my hands. I went to the gym anxeity over something. One person coughs  anxiety. go  out to eat anxiety.  My anxiety is so bad today at the gym today I  wiped down the equimplent and wore gloves like I always do and then had an itch  by my mouth so I used my upper arm/shoulder to take care of it then freaked out and because my shirt was touching the bench obviuosly. so I then ran to the locker room and used this hand sanizter and then didnt finish my workout becuase I was worried I ingested the sanizter and it was going to do something. I worry so much I have bad dermatitis form washing my hands so much. I have to use a strong steriod cream to heal them. I spend most my day worried about something. I get so stressed out today I felt like I was going to puke which is the first time it got that bad. I know its not good for my health and so then I stress about that Haha. I guess Im wondering if anyone can relate. My last wbc was 5.1. I cant enjoy life because of this stress. I feel weak and want to be a strong person a strong man. I also get anxiety when I start to  enjoy things because I was happy before I got sick and if Im happy then I think something bad is going to happen.  My back story prior to 2017 I was a healthy just turned 21 year old then had some chest pain and went to the ER and woke up of life support and found Out i had a autoimune disase that attacked my organs. I want to be happy and not worry about every single thing.  If you relate how do you deal with it? I dont really want to take meds for the anxiety and ive seen a counclser and felt like it did no good  It just felt like I could have the same conversation I had with her and get the same advice from anybody!

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  • i have stress, anxiety, depression, get annoyed or angry, tearful, sad mood swings from all my drugs.  so i can totally understand your stress.  is yours related to meds possibly?  i am working on figuring mine out.  it is probably the prednisone but could also be a bit of ptsd involved.  my boyfriend is very much like you about worrying aobut getting germs and sick and he doesn't even take all the drugs we take or have a weakened immune system.  this is all like you have had a traumatic experience and you are nervous now when those issues rreintroduce themselves.  That is PTSD or PTSS and it makes sense.  I know you don't want to go to the Dr., but if exercise and or meditation or yoga doesn't help then I recommend a support group you can go to such as Emotions Anonymous which I hav recently visited, but I sometimes think that we need to give drugs for stress and anxiety a change because we are not the average person.  we deal with a lot.  our drugs are the cause of many of our problems and we hate to take more drugs to combat those.  but we cannot control the drugs we must take to keep our kidney going so we don't hae a choice in the matter.  The stress and anxiety will wear down your body just as badly as a viral or bacterial infection will!  What I mean is what steve said - those things will kill you!  So its not worth the strife and i wold seek help.  Stress and anxiety will put your body at dis-ease and that will not be good for your kidney.  Try the Serenity Prayer if you can.  I hope things get better for you because you and all of us have been through a lot.

  • Stress and anxiety are both killers.  You ahve to stop.  Don't fret over what you have no control over.  It's a waste of time and energy.  Just don't do it.  Instead take action where you can and enjoy the ride.

  • Joan_GOL What books were you talking about for depression. Any recommendations?

    Joan_GOL
    Our social network provides online support for pre and post transplant recipients and their families.
    • I found this book: ‘ The mindful way through  depression’ by Mark Williams. I bought several books. But this book is very helpful to me. 

      Take care. 

    • I found a lot of books (ant-depression) from amazon, with very cheap prices. 

      Wish you the best.

  • Hi Dwight,

    I am 2 years plus post liver transplant and I know your feelings as well. Each scenerio is different of course but underlying threads tie all our feeling in a certain way. I had a great deal of anxiety and stress over bloodwork, or any other test or doctor for a long time. It was white coat syndrome on steroids.Kidneyboy is on the mark about what can we do about things we have no control over ? The answer is straight forward, we can do nothing about the things we have no control over. Sure I still get anxious when I have tests and I always look for my results ASAP to see whats going on. Your case is different being an autoimune disease from the start the sanitary conditions are constantly on your mind. This is not a bad thing but don't let it control your life. My job involves lots of travel so airports and resturants are in my daily life. I try to eat smart and do wash my hands often. I use a bit of canibus to take the edge off (substitute glass of wine), it helps. My transplant coordinated told me once that we (meaning EVERYONE) involved including YOU have worked far to hard to get you were you are. Do not let this gift be a burden easier said than done with all the things that go along with being a donor recepient. His point was to enjoy everything and let them do their jobs, all they ask from you is that you follow their instructions and be a good patient.

    I hope this is of some help and NO you are not ALONE !

    Stay Well

    Tom

  • Hi Dwight. in my almost 17 years post transplant I've seen this a number of times. It seems to have gotten more out of hand for you than some, but I get that. Most of us had some warning and time to prepare. I've had kidney issues since the mid 1970s and finally went on dialysis in 2001. So I had a lot of time to get used to things and how they change.

    That said, we both know this anxiety is not doing you any good. It's preventing you from being truly happy and making the most of your gifts. If you didn't connect (obviously) with the first counsellor, then you need to try and find another. A social worker maybe? They are very good at finding practical solutions. Desensitization training maybe ? I'm not an expert, so casn't really help there.

    But I can tell you that you can be ok. You more than have the potential, and hopefully all it will take is a person or a team who can help you focus on other things. Don't be afraid of an extra med or two. It's most likely only a short term transition anyway and it might be able to help.

    I wish you the best of luck. We're here for you

    Cora

  • Almost all the infection diseases are caused vis bloods and foods. The key is hand washing before you touch the food. 

    I go to gyms 3-4 times a week. I wash my hand with a soap only when I get home. I don’t wipe the equipments when I am at gym. 

    This is my personal experiences. Everyone is different. 

    Wish you the best.

  • Hi.. Dwight Randolph i can relate with  you I am having anxiety insecurity and depression. I am 8months post kidney transplant. You are phobic to germs but I'm insecure all the time fearing something will happen to my new kidney. At every small strain or difficult bent I've made i check my surgical side whether is it ok. Sometimes it feels soft I'm scared why is it like this . I know its funny.. But i feel insecure and scared all the time. Donno what to do.

  • Sorry if I made it sound as if I minimized your anxiety that was not my intention so I apologize !

    I completely understand that it is a medical condition and we can't wish it away   

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