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Anxiety/ stress destroying me

Hi I have been dealing with alot of anxiety as of late. I have anxiety over taking my meds. I worry I messed up or dropped them and worry about it for half the day. I also have a germaphobia issue brought on by when I first got sick I had no immune system pretty much for a year and now I worry about every little thing for example. I give a high five better wash my hands. I went to the gym anxeity over something. One person coughs  anxiety. go  out to eat anxiety.  My anxiety is so bad today at the gym today I  wiped down the equimplent and wore gloves like I always do and then had an itch  by my mouth so I used my upper arm/shoulder to take care of it then freaked out and because my shirt was touching the bench obviuosly. so I then ran to the locker room and used this hand sanizter and then didnt finish my workout becuase I was worried I ingested the sanizter and it was going to do something. I worry so much I have bad dermatitis form washing my hands so much. I have to use a strong steriod cream to heal them. I spend most my day worried about something. I get so stressed out today I felt like I was going to puke which is the first time it got that bad. I know its not good for my health and so then I stress about that Haha. I guess Im wondering if anyone can relate. My last wbc was 5.1. I cant enjoy life because of this stress. I feel weak and want to be a strong person a strong man. I also get anxiety when I start to  enjoy things because I was happy before I got sick and if Im happy then I think something bad is going to happen.  My back story prior to 2017 I was a healthy just turned 21 year old then had some chest pain and went to the ER and woke up of life support and found Out i had a autoimune disase that attacked my organs. I want to be happy and not worry about every single thing.  If you relate how do you deal with it? I dont really want to take meds for the anxiety and ive seen a counclser and felt like it did no good  It just felt like I could have the same conversation I had with her and get the same advice from anybody!

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  • Sorry if I made it sound as if I minimized your anxiety that was not my intention so I apologize !

    I completely understand that it is a medical condition and we can't wish it away   

  •  So, if I told you to "Fa getta' boutit."  it wouldn't ease your anxiety, would it? I've done this a long time, about two decades worth, and if I have learned anything`, it's about limiting stress``, it'll kill `you! This should be a miracle to you, not a chore.

    After worrying about everything under the sun, my result was the same as if I didn't, dealing with multiple ops, diagnoses, appointments, and surviving almost every hurdle you could face, I just got very tired stressing about aspects and circumstances, over which I have any control.

    I do not mean "giving up," I actively protect myself and maintain good routines to ward off infection or diseases, try to eat right and limit sodium, but I am not perfect. I just got tired of wasting my precious time worrying about something, that may not happen. Even if an issue did arise, it is not your job to fix it! That's where faith in your Tx team is required.

    It is important to remember, your immune system is suppressed, not ELIMINATED! Seek counsel from your team to be confident in your ability to care for yourself, without sacrificing life. What you do not know about, you can ask your Tx team or get advice from here. 

    You didn't accept a Tx, just to become a slave to it! I assume you, like myself, wanted to continue living life. There's a lot more to life and eventually, you will consider yourself as something other than a patient, as difficult as that seems.

    I wish you good luck with your Tx and if you need help overcoming the stress, do talk to your Tx team, as the others have suggested.

  • Hello ,I cant imagine how that would feel at your age an suddenly have to deal with this !

    It is hard for some folks in there later years, You have to cope with the reality of the new you and accept it and even embrace it. My last RBC was at 5.1  as well and now its in my normal range at times I was real low in the 2s some my be environment.  Have you ever heard the saying you are the sum of the 5 people you hang out with its true find the most positive people with the best outlook on life and make them your circle !

    All of us have had to come to terms with the germ thing. The first year I was willing to wear a hazmat suit lol Purell is your best friend as someone else stated you still have an immune system just a little low ,

    I was a little depressed at first got on a Wellbutrin and all good now I think some of the coming down is we on get on that emotional high at surgery time and everyone comparing us to a superhero and after that subsidies and we come off some of the prednisone there is some letdown.

    Find your center either through counseling meditation religion exercise  or medication and positive reinforcement  You got this man find your inner strength start a routine that helps you reach that goal I am here and so many other to help each other with these struggles Here is a link from a guy that changed the way I look at things    

    Hope this helps Stay positive! Choose to be happy  You watch as your anxiety falls so will your RBC

  • 1. I didn’t know I had depression for many years    until I tried to help my sister who had severe depression and anxiety three years ago.

    2. I started to read the self-improvement books regarding anxiety and depression. Then I found out I had very bad depression and anxiety due to the meds we are taking.  I got many books from amazon. They were very cheap. The books were very helpful. 

    3. Exercises are life saver for me too. I don’t have any anxiety and depression now. 

    Wish you the best. 


  •   I workout at home and i avoid crowds.  If i'm at a store and someone coughs i get out of the area.  It's ok to be concerned about germs but, you can learn to control those feeling. Teach yourself to be in control. Books and internet are available. On occasion i experience anxiety and when it too overwhelming i take low dose of xanax prescribed by my primary care physician. Feel better soon.


  • Hello Dwight! 

    We all suffer from some type of anxiety from time to time. It sounds like you are very aware of how your anxiety affects you?  With each thought that occurs when you feel stressed out, ask yourself, if your thought is absolutely true. Question your thoughts and do your best. The worry is quite destructive to your immune system infact I do believe that worrying is more powerful than some of the drugs that are given to patients.  

    Learn to meditate- practice and enjoy peaceful thoughts. Each time you feel anxiety coming on, think of three positive thoughts and you will nip the anxiety in the bud.

    Sending you my best!

    • I can tell you from experiance it does effect your immune system  I have getting blood work evey two weeks and when I am stressed my WBC is Lower and when I have a good couple of weeks its always better! Thanks for the advice

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