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Depression and anxiety post kidney transplant.

I have been feeling terrible for almost two years now. I am not sure if other transplant recipients ever feel this bad! Please share your experiences.

I had my kidney transplant in 2014 as a 19 year old. It's going to be three years this month. Sigh. Sadly for me, this life saving surgery has almost become a curse. I never knew what real sadness, nervousness, anxiety, loneliness and depression meant. I almost wish to go back to my pre-transplant state some times. At least, my brain was strong then! Now, I am always worrying, thinking about the future almost every minute of the day. I was never like this before. There are times when I can hardly drag myself out of my bed to go to college. And then, I pull myself together and become sort of okay once again in a day or two until this cycle starts all over again. I can't even focus and study as nicely as before. My parents have been supportive but I can't change their nature or can I? This life seems worthless when you have to suffer every day. Why live if your quality of life has been reduced to an extent you can't come to terms with? BUT I DID LOVE THE FIRST FEW MONTHS AFTER MY TRANSPLANT! I REALLY DID! Now, it's terrible and I don't think it will ever change till the day I die.

Also, I don't want to consult a psychologist even though my nephrologist has asked me to once or twice. He has prescribed Metoprolol for my blood pressure and anxiety. And I don't want to take any more medication than I already do. I want to know if any one else has been through this.

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  • Hi Ayushi ,

    Late to reply. Well' I did not went through what you are going through. I am 1.5 years post-TX. 

    I totally agree with others about the chemical imbalance due to rejection meds causing what you are feeling now.

    Let's step back and see , what made u feel great after ur TX. The same thing is still with you  That's your good health (at least better than before TX) , you can go anywhere, do what you want .

    Talking to any doctor will only help. Its just a matter of getting the right meds .

    Being spiritual, makes your mindset positive.  Try if you can start with anything .  

    Talking about the future - yes i am also in the same boat as you are. But trust me every person is in the same boat . No one knows what's there in future.

    There are people out there with worst diseases and they are still fighting. we are the lucky ones .

    Live life to fullest and trust me there will be amazing things stored in future :)


    • Thank you. My depression episodes started in my second year as I mentioned. Anyway, hope the same for you!

  • A few years ago, my younger sister had severe anxiety ad depression due to the long term stress from job. She works in the hospital. She had to get treatments with medications even though we were all against it. Because at that time we don't understand it. Now she is normal and happy again. Two of my co-work's young daughtors had same situations. Due to my job, I know quite few young people under 20's who is undergoing treatments with similar situation. After treatment with medications, they are normal and happy again.

    A chemical inbalace in body can be caused by long term accumulation of stress from a unhealthy job or personal life experience, or by drugs. It can also happens to young people whose body are still in developing stage.

    Fortunately, with the new technologies, people are better understanding it. Now there are better medications for this condition.

    Please check with the special doctors and get treatments. You will get better and be happy again.

    Take care.
    • A chemical imbalance in the brain can also be caused by the anti rejection meds. Once back in balance, life can be wonderful again.

      • You are right.
    • Thank you, Joan. I'll definitely consider what you're saying. :) Take care.

  • Hey aayushi
    I can totally feel what you are going through but you hav eto overcome it too, come out of your comfort zone talk to friends, study , travel do whatever you like the most and slowly this feeling will change, i had my transplant in 2010 its been 7 years now, and i had it too in medanta, you can write to me at i am sure talking will help you and me both of us...
    • Thank you, Aarushi. 

  • Thank you for the kind words, Cora and Priyanka. I will definitely consult someone else if this goes out of hand. My parents have mental blocks about consulting psychologists too. They want me to be more spiritual and do positive things. It's hard to but I try. I agree that it feels amazing to know that someone wants to listen to you. So I guess we should talk and help each other because we can understand each other better as a result of our transplants,

    Sad to hear about your experience, Cora. I realise I'm not much much of a positive person. I have changed. But, it's good to know that you have turned around your life.  AND IS THAT YOUR DOGGIE??? <3

    • Always glad to help. First off, the picture is of Wiska. He was an Afghan Hound and was about 4 or 5 years old when we took the picture. He passed away last year at the age of 14. We were very sad, but he had a wonderful life and our little Molly-Afghan (4 years old) now has a little brother. I'll add a pic of the two of them at the end of this post.

      Sometimes, because of our drugs, we end up with a chemical imbalance in our brain. So some drugs can help. I only needed to be on the welbutrin for about 6 months and have been pretty good ever since. But I also found someone who has medical experience. In my case, my psychologist doesn't know much about my medical issues, but understands the fight as she has spent many years helping cancer patients. So understands the medical model and how sometimes you just have to put up with a lot of stuff.

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