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I love my husband to pieces. But the one thing is that if he isn't really comfortable with someone, he won't ask for help. I need some ideas of how to make this whole journey easier on him as well. Is there anything that I can do to help him the day of surgery? Make a "go bag" for him? Write him a letter? Ask certain people to physically be at the hospital with him? What were things that you did for your spouses or if you are the spouse, what are somethings that may help him? Thank you for any help you can give me.

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  • Meagan,

     One suggestion is to have an email already typed out with all the pertinent information that you have received the call and you are on the way to the hospital.  Say everything you would like to remember to say that day now in that email, put all the email addresses in the To or BCC field of the email and then save it in your draft folder.  Then when you get the call from the hospital, open the email, make last minute corrections, and send the email.  You have just notified everyone that wants to know and you can concentrate on getting your husband out the door and down the road.


  • Your contInual support and just being there for him is unbelievably important. In my 5 month hospital stay (heart stopped once, told her to "make arraingments") I can guarantee that she was instrumental in my surviving. Never understate the power of love. :-) Good lick!

  • Writing him a letter would be special.  Even a card or two would be nice.

    He should not be at the hospital alone on "the day" and maybe even the next day.  He'll be stressed out.

    Do you have a place near by where he'll stay while you're layed up for 2-weeks?  He'll need to pack for a 2-week trip.  His hospital "go bag" would include his own meds and needs, some cash.  A roll of quarters and $1 bills for vending machines.  An "airplane pillow" for the waiting room might be nice.  

    He cannot be sick and be anywhere near you.  At least initially.  Has he had a flu shot?  Are his vaccinations up to date?

    No idea how far "home" is from the hospital.  How will you manage home while your're both gone?  Figure it out in advance, have a plan, and stress is greatly reduced.

    If he's like me, he'll want to fix everything and be in control.  Problem is that he can't.  You're both just along for the ride.  I'll bet your TX center has social workers or counselors you might both be able to see in advance that could help, too.

    • I believe is it IMPERATIVE she be there! JMHO

  • We got "the call" at around 11:00 on a Saturday night.  We drove an hour and a half to the hospital (It's usually a 2 hour drive, but there was no traffic, and we were in a hurry!).  So, we got to the hospital around 1 AM, and there was a lot of waiting around until I was actually wheeled into surgery at 8:30 AM Sunday morning.  I figured that the best thing I could do for my husband was to demand that he go find a hotel room and get some sleep.  I did NOT want him to wait around for the next 6 hours or so when he could be sleeping.  The hospital assured him that they would call him once I was out of surgery to give him an update.

    That said, why don't you ask him?

  • I am the patient, my wife was the care giver.  I can tell you for me, her company, even if we did not talk, was the one biggest and best thing that she could have done.  She stayed in the same room every night I was in the transplant center - except the night of transplant.  I was in ICU and was not allowed visitors after 10 pm.  She went way above and beyond any expectation I had. 

    I am a liver transplant patient.  I had mild hepatic encephlopathy.  Her being by my side helped me when doctor's visited and explained tests, results, etc.  Post transplant she helped me keep my meds in order.  There are quite a few in the beginning and I had brain fog for the first few days.

    I had difficulty asking for help or for someone to be there.  She just made it all happen.  I am one lucky man.  I was transplanted 10/17/2007. 

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