Untamed Voice

Sometimes you just have to say it. You know it's not kind.  You know it's not going to be received well.  But you're voice has to be heard.  I have been in this zone, if you will, lately.  I am so sick of being everyone's ray of sunshine.  I just want to be me and let me be heard.

I have two pre-teen daughters.  One is going to be 12 next month, the other 13 six days later.  These past few months have been explosive.  My mothering techniques...  uh, yea.  I have not been who I should be.  I've been taking new meds and I think they alter my level of patience to NON-EXISTENT!  I realize these are very difficult years in their lives as well, but their attitudes are truly in need of adjustment.  

I feel that I am at a disadvantage in the sense that I can't just be consumed with their needs, but I need to take care of mine, as well.  Sometimes that means taking a nap when they want to go, go, go.  Sometimes that means after being asked for something 20 times in two minutes I MIGHT SNAP!  I feel bad afterward, but seriously, we all have our limits.

I am looking at schooling options for my youngest.  We have homeschooled for 5 years now, but it is not working for my youngest now that her attitude has taken on the "I know everything, hear me roar" mantra.  I just don't have the energy to argue with her everyday about what she knows.  Most recently, she told my other daughter that she wishes she had another Mom.  This was hurtful since we adopted both girls and she sees it as an option.  Sadly, the mom she chose was one off a movie...because those are real, genius!  At any rate, it made me feel like a failure.

I feel like I truly try not to make my health an issue to them, but in all honesty, it does change your personality.  I'm tired, not sleeping well, stomach issues, and ranting to strangers on a computer.  I'm a freakin' nut case.  My husband's answer is, "Let it go"  ....seriously, let the teenage girls go????  WOW.  AND, will you be picking up your parenting degree from Class of Stupid 101 today or tomorrow?  Sorry, I had to vent.

I actually feel better just writing this.  Sorry you had to endure.

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Comments

  • I agree with Rise even the girls may not truly understand ( till they have kids of their own) what u r going true. May be even take them with u to doc ( be sure to let the doc know what up ) to help them understand what is what. May be show them the pic I am sending to show how much u really love and care for them.

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  • Just reading today for the first time. I see I missed so much when I was away for a few days.

    Have you tried counseling with your children? Did you explain to them how serious your condition is and how you need support and help around the house?  Why do you think your children are talking to you disrespectfully? Do you have any neighbors who can help support you by

    perhaps taking your children for a few hours here and there perhaps a few times per week?

    I do agree, in time letting stress go is important. Try and find a way to communicate with them. All children say mean things but in the end

    they know how much they love you.

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